The Barbie Dance Workout Is a Pure Dopamine Hit

I’m not ashamed to confess that I actually have been counting right down to the discharge like a child within the lead-up to Christmas. Now greater than ever, I’m drunk on all things Barbie. My wardrobe is a sea of pink, and Aqua’s Barbie Girl has develop into the anthem of my summer. The one thing yet to be Barbie-fied is my workout routine.

So, what higher time to dig into the archives and provides the Barbie dance workout from the early ‘90s a try? Mattel released the Dance! Workout With Barbie in 1992, and despite the fact that I never did it as a child, my newfound excitement for all-things-Barbie convinced me to provide it a go.

The video opens with a grainy pink disclaimer: I’m about to partake in “a secure, enjoyable 25-minute routine of sunshine dance aerobics intended for teenagers ages 5 and up.” This must be a walk within the park, right?

The camera pans to Barbie’s dressing room, where we discover the doll perched in front of her mirror. Straight off the bat, I’m extremely jealous of her outfit: Hot pink leggings paired with a black and white polka dot two-piece and matching leg-warmers! Compared, I feel somewhat underdressed in my oversized sleep shirt covered in coffee stains.

Nonetheless, as Barbie turns to deal with me, I realize that something about her feels somewhat…off. Her head jolts backwards and forwards like a disjointed ventriloquist dummy, and her frozen, blank features seem like they’ve been molded out of Play-Doh. This rudimentary version of Barbie is a world away from the trendy images we see today; the Barbie of yore is, well, barely creepy.

Fortunately, this malfunctioning puppet Barbie hands over the reins to Kim, a real-life instructor. Kim is standing center-stage in a studio that appears exactly how I imagined the gym in Barbie’s Dreamhouse to look, surrounded by some much younger back-up dancers. I suddenly feel like Jennifer Garner in 13 Going On 30; I actually have a very good 20 years on all the opposite participants on-screen.

Kim wastes no time and launches straight into the warmup with some high-leg marches on the spot. The moves at this stage are pretty basic—mostly stepping from side-to-side, with some cheerleader-inspired arm movements sprinkled in. I look embarrassingly just like how I do dancing within the club when the margaritas haven’t quite kicked in yet: Playing it secure with an ungainly, predictable two-step. Nonetheless, as warmups go, it’s a reasonably entertaining one. My heart rate is rising and I’m loosening up with some full-body stretching, all of the while being spurred on by classic ‘90s electro-pop.

This seems like a chunk of cake…but I’m abruptly jolted out of my comfort zone when the actual workout begins. Kim starts by walking us through the primary official move on this dance routine: The Barbie Basic. The camera cuts to Barbie, who explains that we’ll be leaning so much on this move because “it permits you to catch your breath.” Now, possibly it’s just me and my lack of dance skills, but I discovered The Barbie Basic to be anything but. I became a blur of flailing limbs within the technique of attempting to figure it out.

This rocky start sets the tone for the subsequent 10 minutes or so, which, to be honest, I spend in a state of utter chaos and confusion. Kim is a fiery ball of energy who puts even probably the most motivated of SoulCycle instructors to shame. She whizzes through each move on the speed of sunshine with limited explanation.

As each latest sequence is introduced, I develop into disoriented, begin sweating bullets and repeatedly smash into each piece of furniture inside a five-meter radius. There’s no two ways about it: This routine is way more technically complex than I could’ve imagined.

This routine is way more technically complex than I could’ve imagined.

I’m starting to suspect that the little girls behind Kim are professionally-trained dancers who’ve been practicing this Broadway-standard choreography for months. (I discover in a while that one in every of them is definitely none apart from the Jennifer Love Hewitt!) They’re all doing a improbable job of showing me up, that’s obviously.

I can distinctly picture my 10-year-old self sobbing in frustration while attempting to master the intricate footwork behind The Attitude or The Bunny Flop. It’s easy to see how this workout could quickly descend into tears and tantrums for the typical pre-teen—even I’m struggling to maintain my cool.

Nonetheless, after a number of faltering fumbles as each latest sequence is introduced, I steadily get the hang of it. Once I’ve accepted that I want to rewind the tape a number of times to learn a brand new move, I’m Hot Stepping and Street Tapping together with the remainder of them very quickly.

On the halfway point, I’ve finally found my groove. I’ve thrown any trace of perfectionism out the window, and now I’m dancing together with reckless abandon. I’m giving my all, performing my favorite sequence thus far: The running man (or reasonably, “The Jammin’ Jogger”). A wave of pure serotonin washes over me, as I begin to chant “Fashion Statement!” together with the music.

As someone who typically dreads cardio, I discovered this workout to be a refreshing change to the standard. You break a good sweat without even noticing since you’re too busy perfecting your moves and maintaining with Kim. The high energy and nostalgic vibes are so palpable that they practically emanate from the screen.

You break a good sweat without even noticing since you’re too busy perfecting your moves and maintaining.

The workout closes with a freestyle section, at which point the women on screen break out of formation with a series of pirouettes, jumps, and kicks. If the workout had opened with this, I might’ve switched off my TV then and there. But now, having left all inhibitions behind, I actually have no issue matching Kim’s feral energy. I’m dancing like no person’s watching, and it’s gloriously liberating.

I actually have to confess, the Dance! Workout with Barbie turned out to be quite the emotional rollercoaster. It was way more physically (and mentally) taxing than I expected, especially for a routine intended for those “ages five and up.” But I suppose it teaches kids—and fully grown adults like me—a vital lesson: It’s okay to trip up and make mistakes, so long as you possibly can give it your all and laugh at yourself along the best way.